I always thought something ridiculous would happen to me. I never thought it would be something this terrible. Now, I know what you're going to say..."you have to think positive" or "It's mind over matter"...and really...it isn't. That's something you tell a little kid who's in the hospital...to make them think they're going to get better. I'm also tired of people saying that "You just gotta be brave"...I'm sorry..no one's that brave...except in the movies and on television. Now, with that being said...I don't want people to think that I'm not scared. I'm terrified. I'm just not going to give into some superstitious belief that the "power of prayer/good thoughts" cures cancer. I'm sorry.
I was diagnosed with Lymphocytic Lukemia in May of 2010. It was definitely a shock; to say the least. I told my friends and I got mixed results. I mean, I wasn't looking for weeping sobs. Some friends were quiet about it, some friends were angry that I'm 24 and the doctor couldn't fix me right away. Some cried. I really hadn't had time to process it. When it finally set in, I relied on one friend in particular...way too much apparently. Now, not only is he "immuned" to any news....I don't think our friendship will ever be the same. Only time will tell, I suppose.
Now that we're up to speed. I have no insurance because I was laid off...the "cobra" insurance was too much...especially since I haven't received any unemployment insurance payments. I'm not eligible for Medicare 'cause I'm not 65. I'm not eligible for disability because my illness isn't making me sick, the medicine is...well the side effects from them are. I can usually only have Ensure for any kind of nutrition...if ANYTHING stays down, it's a damned miracle.
So, now that I've pretty much put it all out there...I'm going to be writing in this as much as I can. Therefore I don't over vent to people and ruin another friendship.
